Spencer in some of his favorite digs.
Oxford Eagle
31 July 2009
Clothes for kids: Pick your battles
The one thing harder than getting myself dressed: Getting my 7-year-old dressed.
When he was a baby, I envisioned dressing him in smocked, bibbed overalls until he was at least 10. I mean, my mom made me wear smocked dresses until I was at least 14; I thought 10 was a great compromise. But potty training brought an abrupt end to the overalls, and after age 3, he wanted nothing to do with smocking.
It’s funny, because I remember talking to a friend years ago about shopping for her first-grader and how he would not wear button-up shirts. Not having a child of my own at the time, I thought to myself and probably even said out loud, “Well, there’s an easy cure for that — make him wear them.”
I had always heard that, in parenting, you have to pick your battles. But it wasn’t until I became a parent (of a 7-year-old who doesn’t like to wear button-up shirts) that I fully understood that concept. Needless to say, I’ve been doing a lot of “word eating” lately!
For us, the simple act of getting dressed in the morning is hard enough without complicating it by trying to force my child to wear something he doesn’t want to wear.
There is a possibility we may never make it to school — at least, not without a fight — so right or wrong, I’m laying the guns down on this one.
Of course, I’m still the parent — the one who buys his clothes. I haven’t relinquished all control. But I’ve learned to let him chime in on the things I buy.
This still sometimes backfires, but at least I can say, “You, my son, have picked this out. Now you must wear it.” That always works better if I use my “Darth Vader” voice to say it.
When I have tried to go out on a limb and buy something without his input, it usually ends up hanging in his closet. For example, I bought a pair of simple khaki shorts with a elasticized, drawstring waist and pockets, all to his specifications, only to find when I brought them home that shorts had to come below your knees.
That rule came from out of the blue, and I’m still questioning if that is truly considered a short. But after consulting several of his friends’ mothers, it was confirmed that this in fact is the current “style.”
Whatever. I just know I now have several pair of brand-new shorts available if anyone is interested — but beware, they come above the knee!
I suppose it is because my fashion choices were inhibited by a strict dress code at the school I attended and by my mother that I appreciate the freedom of choice that our schools allow.
Not to say that there is no dress code, but it is within reason and age appropriate — and, for me, it’s nice not to have to contend with a child’s rules and the school’s rules on “what not to wear.”
I hear as the kids get older the dress codes stiffen, like requiring a collared, tucked-in shirt with a belt — all issues HE will have to face in choosing his clothes in time.
Certainly there are occasions that insist that my son step out of his comfort zone and spiff up a bit. More often than not, he easily obliges, even wearing the dreaded dress shoes. But day in and day out, I leave it up to him.
For me, I feel fashion is a form of creative expression, and when I like what I have on, I feel good about myself. Call me crazy. So, why wouldn’t that be the same for a child?
I give my friends with daughters much of the credit for my embrace of this attitude as I have watched their precious girl children express themselves by changing clothes as many as five times a day — happy kids, happy mom.
Inherently, this trait of fashion opinionatedness is stronger in girls, and although it seems commonplace for mothers of boys to complain that there are more clothing options out there for little girls, I can only imagine this thickens the pot. So to all the moms of female fashionistas, my hat is off.
And to all you parents, remember my friend whom I much too quickly admonished for not forcing her child to wear what she wanted? Her son is now grown, and I spotted him just the other day wearing what else but a button-up shirt — which simply goes to show that choosing not to fight every little battle doesn’t mean you won’t ultimately win the war!
